Love, Loss & Lies
by HidesBehindClosedDoors
Summary: When the only man in Bella's life is killed on the job, she is forced to live with her mother and step dad, who she has never gotten along with since they got married, They move to Forks as Bella retreats more into herself, who is there to save her?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

BPOV

**Okay well this story is really depressing and the Cullens don't come in it till much later. This story is based on a dream I had a couple of weeks ago and I had to write it down. It is also inspired by the song Dance With My Father Again. I hope you like it and please review. **

"NO! NO HE CAN'T BE! HE CAN'T!"

"I'm sorry Bella, dear, he's gone."

"No, no, no, NOOO!" I screamed as I fell to floor sobs wracked my body and I curled in on myself, tears streaming down my face as I came to grips with his death. I had never felt so alone.

I'm Bella Swan and until a few moments ago my life was great and I wouldn't of had it any other way. I had amazing friend's, a great husky dog, Jake, who was the loyalist dog you could get, named after my best friend Jacob, and a wonderful father, sure my mom wasn't great but I wouldn't have changed my life for anything. Well my life changed alright but not in a good way. I had been living with my father for ten years and I'm now seventeen. I spent my first seven years living with my mother until she got re-married which made us argue a lot. It wasn't that I had a problem with her husband –Phil –but we both knew that she was still hopelessly in love with my father but because they were both stubborn and she didn't want to seem like the weak one she refused to try and get back with him. She had changed since she got married it was like she couldn't be my mother and his wife at the same time so I had gone to live with my dad so she would be able to just be a wife. I hadn't minded I had a great dad, but now, even that had been taken away from me.

I cried until there was nothing left for me to cry and fell asleep with Jake curled next to me his ears drooped as if he knew exactly what was happening. I woke up screaming from a nightmare about the car crash my dad had died in just yesterday and started screaming and crying again, my mother ran into the room, I hadn't known that she had arrive she must have shown up last night when I was too far gone to notice. She wrapped me in her arms and cried with me whispering comforting words in my ear that she missed him too and that everything would be okay. I wondered where Phil was but didn't care at the minute, she was being my mom and that, was what I had needed she held me until I wasn't sobbing but still had tears streaming down my face as she hushed me while rocking us back and forth. Jake wined and put his head in my lap as I rubbed behind his ears. I was a zombie for the next few days until the funeral; I wouldn't eat, drink, or talk. My mom had to force me to drink some water and eat some soup but I had trouble keeping it down. Most of the time I threw it back up. During the days I would write down my feeling the only way I could, in a song and at nights I would sit outside the guest room where my mom was sleeping and would fall asleep listening to her cry with me whilst mine had faded to silent tears falling down my face. The day of the funeral came and I had never felt so empty, so alone, as if I had died with him, and a part of me had.

We arrived at the church and the Minister started speaking.

"Charlie was a great man; he was a beloved member of the police force here in Arizona and was well known all over Phoenix. He was an amazing father and will be missed dearly by his family and friends as he had many of them. He will always be missed and remembered, his daughter, Bella Swan, would like to say a few words on behalf of his family." I slowly stood up and walked to the front of the church as the sobs grew louder at what I'm sure I must have looked like. I cleared my throat and spoke loud enough but my voice was dead and had a deep sadness to it.

"My father was a great man. He was there for me when no one else was and I couldn't think of a better man than him he was the best father in the world and I don't know what I would have done without him. His place here was cut short but that doesn't mean that he will be forgotten or that i will think of him any less than I did before. He's the only one that I could talk to when I needed comfort the most and though I had many friends they will never be able to take his place with that. I have written a song which describes exactly how much he meant to both me and my mother even though they were divorced many years ago."

I gave the music sheet to the pianist who was stationed at the grand piano in the corner and stood in front of his coffin. It was a closed casket because of the injuries and I couldn't help but wish I could see his face one last time. I had sung in this church many times for peoples weddings, funerals and in a choir when I was younger but this time the song came from my heart, my feelings, not the mourners around me.

_Back when I was a child _

_Before life removed all the innocence _

_My father would lift me high _

_And dance with my mother and me and then _

_Spin me around till I fell asleep _

_Then up the stairs he would carry me _

_And I knew for sure _

_I was loved _

_If I could get another chance _

_Another walk, another dance with him _

_I'd play a song that would never, ever end _

_How I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again _

_Ooh, ooh _

_When me and my mother would disagree _

_To get my way I would run from her to him _

_He'd make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah _

_Then finally make me do just what my mama said _

_Later that night when I was asleep _

_He left a dollar under my sheet _

_Never dreamed that he _

_Would be gone from me _

_If I could steal one final glance _

_One final step, one final dance with him _

_I'd play a song that would never, ever end _

_Cause I'd love, love, love to dance with my father _

_again _

_Sometimes I'd listen outside her door _

_And I'd hear my mamma cry for him _

_I pray for her even more than me _

_I pray for her even more than me _

_I know I'm praying for much too much _

_But could You send back the only man she loved _

_I know You don't do it usually _

_But dear Lord, she's dying to dance with my father again _

_Every night I fall asleep _

_And this is all I ever dream_

_**(.com/watch?v=cDV8HqdLh2w) **_

The tears ran down my face as I sat back down and many other's were crying even more now than before. The following weeks passed in a blur, as I sorted through his clothes and sold the house having to move back in with my mom until I was 18. I had to start school again in a few weeks and I knew I wasn't ready. The pain was worse than before and I started drinking to ease the pain, my mom caught me and shouted her head off at me, I knew it must be hurting her to see me like this but I didn't care anymore, I didn't care about anything. I needed to change myself, change everything about me. I went shopping and bought some black hair die, new clothes, black nail varnish, makeup and some skull and crossbones jewellery.

When I started school again my hair was black instead of the mahogany colour it started as, I was wearing ankle boots, black combats, a long sleeved grey top and 'Life is wasted on the Living' written in blood red on the front and a hoodie that would cover my face. I was wearing black eyeliner, mascara, smoky eyeshadow and had blood red lips. There were scars tracing my arms from where I had decided to cut myself to help take the pain away. I hadn't said a word since the funeral and didn't like being with anyone except perhaps my dog Jake. Everyone that I hated just gave me sympathetic looks and the people who were once my friends I didn't want to talk to. Rozanna ran up to me and embraced me but I just stood there waiting for her to let go. When she did she had such sympathy in her eyes that I didn't want to see it. I stepped back away from her and walked off. It was repeated continuously along with the questions about why I was dressed the way I was. I ignored everyone and by the end of the month they ignored me too. A few of the people that I hated and who felt the same way always made comments about no matter how I act or dress I'll always be a pathetic little daddy's girl who is lost and that I should have been the one who was in the crash instead of him. After two months I'd had enough, people were always comparing how I am now to before. It didn't matter. I wasn't that old, careless, little girl who they had gone to junior high and started high school with. I was someone completely different; the funny thing with grief is that it can take over your life even when you don't want it to but I did, I was glad to have changed it just proved that he would always be with me. I couldn't stand to look in the mirror as if nothing had happened but I didn't want to stay here any more. I had always hated Phoenix anyway so moving wouldn't bother me I just had to convince my mom and Phil.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

BPOV

"Maybe she's right honey, I think we could all do with getting out of this place and the memories it holds." My mom didn't really want to leave but Phil was on my side and my mom normally went along with everything he said. I think Phil mainly wanted to get away because he could see the pain in my mother's eyes and couldn't bear to think that she still loved him even though he had her anyway.

"Fine, we'll need to buy a house over there first though and we'll have to look for jobs available and the cost of plain tickets." Dizzy, hair-brained Renee was already ticking things off on her fingers that she would forget within five minutes.

"Renee don't worry I'll start looking for everything but firstly where about in America would you like to move to?"

"Hmm… well a small town… I know how about Forks? It's a small town in Washington that I visited with my parents when I was a child." I didn't mind so I went upstairs and started going through my stuff of which to take or throw out. I kept all of my new stuff which included a bunch of black and grey clothes, a few pairs of black ankle boots, my makeup and some CD's I bought at HMV. Whilst I got my stuff together I listened to one of the new CD's from evanescence.

_I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears  
>And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave<br>Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone_

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real  
>There's just too much that time cannot erase<em>

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
>When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears<br>And I held your hand through all of these years  
>But you still have all of me<em>

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light  
>Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind<br>Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
>Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me<em>

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real  
>There's just too much that time cannot erase<em>

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
>When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears<br>And I held your hand through all of these years  
>But you still have all of me<em>

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
>But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along<em>

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
>When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears<br>And I held your hand through all of these years  
>But you still have all of me, me, me<em>

I let the tears fall as I threw my old stuff in the bin bags I'd grabbed from downstairs. The only things I kept from before were pictures of my dad and me but, I put them in a box so I wouldn't spend all my time looking at them and crying like I wanted to. I asked my mom if I could stop going to school until I arrived at my new home. She let me only because she knew that I wasn't listening even when I was in classes.

A month had since my mom agreed to the move and so far we'd bought a house, she and Phil had found jobs, Phil as a baseball coach and my mom was helping at the local hospital as a secretary. As for me, I was to be attending the only high school there called Forks High School, _yeah they needed a lot of imagination to come up with that name,_ not. I fell asleep listening to Clair De Lune by Debussy which was the only CD I'd kept from before. It was the last night I'd be spending in this bedroom, in this house, in this country. I almost smiled at the thought. My stuff was packed and tomorrow I'd be sleeping on the plane to America where we'd get a plane to Port Angeles and then it was an hour car journey to the small town of Forks, Washington.

Okay, sitting on a plane for over seven hours gets really dull. So far I'd finished reading 'thirteen reasons why' by Jay Asher, started writing a new song which I got bored of after the second verse and had drank three cups of coffee, two soda's and four mineral water's and had been to the bathroom over five times. I hope to never be on a plane this long again, I still have an hour to go now. Mom and Phil were sitting together a few feet back and I was lucky enough to have a seat alone by the window. I sat starting out the window and allowed the visions to come.

_I was in my old ballet studio and I wasn't alone. I was scared. I was about to die. He walked towards me slowly. I couldn't see his face only hear his dark, sinister voice, my leg was broken, I screamed in agony. I said something but I couldn't be sure what it was, it was as if the vision was not yet certain. Something smashed into my face, throwing me back into the broken mirrors. Over the pain of my leg, I felt the sharp rip across my scalp where the glass cut into it. And felt the warm wetness began to spread through my hair with alarming speed. I could feel it soaking the shoulder of my shirt, hear it dripping on the wood below. The smell of it twisted my stomach. I heard, as if from underwater, the final growl of the hunter. I could see, through the long tunnels my eyes had become, his dark shape coming toward me. With my last effort, my hand instinctively raised to protect my face. My eyes closed, and I drifted._

I came out of the vision sweating and could still feel a throbbing in my leg. _Great_, just what I need some psycho lunatic after me. Thinking of it now I would welcome death but in the vision I never wanted it, overall, the feeling of the pain was drowned out then by the happiness in my soul, even the fear was not as bad as the pain I'm in now. Next to this pain it was all a piece of cake, however, I knew one thing. In that vision, I didn't want to die. I was finally happy and there was one thing I wanted to live for. Someone I couldn't live without, I only wish I knew who. I had always been psychic, ever since I could remember, it started off with simple dreams that would come true, and then when ever I let myself relax and cleared my mind completely the visions would flow into me. I only wished I'd seen _his_ death before it happened, that way I could have stopped it. I had stopped letting the visions take me over in the day now and let them stream into me at night; however Charlie's death must have been a last minute decision. I sighed thinking about it all when I felt the plane start to land, and for that distraction I was thankful. However it didn't last long before I could finally get used to land beneath my feet we were back on a different plane for one more hour. This time I wasn't lucky enough to be on my own mom and Phil were separated from me again but the seat next to me was soon occupied by a boy about my age. He had sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. He kept looking at me making me feel uncomfortable. I refused to look away from the window, where a lone eagle flew a little ways off. I couldn't help but wish it was me. To be free, have no one telling you how you should act or behave, no one to fool and pretend you're okay too, no one there at all, exactly how I feel actually being alone, though I still have to put on an act. The boy put his hand on mine and I immediately moved it from under his.

"Sorry, I was just trying to get your attention, I'm Mike Newton." He held his hand out and I sneered at him.

"Well don't and I honestly don't care who you are." With that I pulled my hood up and stuck my earphones in and just daydreamed about how perfect my life was before. The boy didn't try speaking to me again. That was a good thing I most definitely didn't want teenage boys, filled with hormones trying to get in my pants.


	3. Chapter 3

New house. New State. New Country. New life. We had finally arrived at the place that would now be called home. It didn't feel like it at all, just a stop on the way to where I belong. Where I did belong, I didn't know and I didn't really care either, not yet. I'll deal with that when I figure it out. My mom tried asking me what I thought of the new house, I didn't answer I just went upstairs and started unpacking my things into the smaller bedroom. I know Phil wouldn't be happy if I'd just unpacked into the larger one, whatever, I just couldn't be bothered with an argument. The movers had already set up my small queen sized bed and they had put together the bookcase than ran along one side of my room, then my desk was sat under the one of the windows. I had two of them, there was one that overlooked the front of the house where a tree sat in front of it, that would be useful if I wanted to sneak out. Not that I would, where would I go. I'm not exactly going to hang out with my friends; I'm not planning on having any. I'm not going to speak, I wondered how long it would take my mom and Phil to notice if I just stopped talking altogether. On the other side of my room was another window that overlooked the side of my house where a path to the back garden led, that was above my desk. I had the movers paint my room a dark purple, only because when I said black Phil said it was too _morbid_. I mean _hello_ that's the whole point dumbass. Then I had a huge black rug to cover most of the floorboards. My clothes were split between my Chester draws and the wardrobe in the corner of the room. Once I unpacked my books and CDs onto the bookcase where I placed a stereo on one of the larger shelves I went to bed listening to evanescence bring me to life.

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors?  
>Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb<br>Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
>Until you find it there and lead it back home<em>

_Wake me up  
>(Wake me up inside)<br>I can't wake up  
>(Wake me up inside)<br>Save me  
>(Call my name and save me from the dark)<em>

_Wake me up  
>(Bid my blood to run)<br>I can't wake up  
>(Before I come undone)<br>Save me  
>(Save me from the nothing I've become)<em>

_Now that I know what I'm without  
>You can't just leave me<br>Breathe into me and make me real  
>Bring me to life<em>

_Wake me up  
>(Wake me up inside)<br>I can't wake up  
>(Wake me up inside)<br>Save me  
>(Call my name and save me from the dark)<em>

_Wake me up  
>(Bid my blood to run)<br>I can't wake up  
>(Before I come undone)<br>Save me  
>(Save me from the nothing I've become)<em>

_I've been living a lie  
>There's nothing inside<br>Bring me to life_

_Frozen inside without your touch  
>Without your love, darling<br>Only you are the life among the dead_

_All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see  
>Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me<br>I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
>Got to open my eyes to everything<em>

_Without thought, without voice, without a soul  
>Don't let me die here<br>There must be something more  
>Bring me to life<em>

_Wake me up  
>(Wake me up inside)<br>I can't wake up  
>(Wake me up inside)<br>Save me  
>(Call my name and save me from the dark)<em>

_Wake me up  
>(Bid my blood to run)<br>I can't wake up  
>(Before I come undone)<br>Save me  
>(Save me from the nothing I've become)<em>

_I've been living a lie  
>There's nothing inside<br>Bring me to life_

I was out before the song ended and was sucked into a vision-like dream.

_The vision started off the same as the last only this time there were people with me two males and a female, I couldn't see them properly and there figures were blurred the same way the hunters face was. I could hear the males talking but I couldn't interpret the words. The scene changed to one of me in a hospital bed and one of the people from the ballet studio was in the room. A few mumbled words and I could feel my heart begin to break and was in even worse agony than when dad died. The pain receded after a few words from him and the vision completely faded into a normal dream._


	4. Chapter 4

Waking up the next morning, was like pulling your head from underwater. You keep gasping at air as if you couldn't pull enough in, in time. My heart hurt and I was nervous as hell for going into a new school and yet I already knew everything that was going to happen. I would be the loner that sat at an empty table, getting average marks in school, having no friends and being the one people thought was a weirdo, a freak. I wasn't wrong. However I didn't expect people to try and be nice to me at the start. Before leaving I had a shower, got changed into some black, skinny jeans and a black t-shirt saying 'I'm the person your mother warned you about' then I covered it with a grey hoodie. I grabbed a pop tart and got into my Ferrari FXX that my mom bought me not long after my dad… anyway she hoped it would make me feel better but it doesn't. Once I pulled into the parking lot almost every pair of eyes were on me and my car. A lot of guys went to step forward until I got out. That stopped them. I had happened to catch a glimpse of my reflection and I saw that my eyes were dark and empty, I had shadows under my eyes and my skin was paler than normal. Even my hair had lost the life it once had, where it used to bounce and shine, it was now dull and hung limply down my back. No one spoke to me at first. I had gone to get my schedule and already had many worrying looks from the secretaries. Once I was on my way to first period, a girl with brown hair, who was wearing a slutty outfit stood in front of me, effectively blocking my path. I just looked at her with dead eyes, she didn't look away though, and I don't even think she noticed.

"Hi, you're the new girl, Bella right? I'm Jessica. You have to sit with us at lunch." Before she started to walk off down the hall way I shook my head as a 'no' and went to my first class, Art.

Once I got in there I felt a little bit at peace. The teacher was a nice woman named Ms. Titley and she had put a bunch of subjects into a hat, everyone had to pick one out. The girl Jessica, got clowns and was complaining that she was scared of them.

"Well, Art, like music comes from emotions, fear is always a good emotion to work with." No more was said on the subjects. I picked out a scrap piece of paper and read my subject. 'Alone.' It couldn't have been an easier thing for me to work with and I already had a picture in my head. As I started to sketch the old looking, cracked walls that a girl would be sitting in the corner of, I realised that most of the other students were struggling. I let myself feel a little smug before going back to the picture that was in my head. I was actually a little disappointed when the lesson was over. I glimpsed at my schedule to see that my next subject was biology.

There was only one good thing about biology. The seat next to me was empty. People stared openly at me and I realised I must have been too busy in art that I never noticed. We had to take our sketch books home and carry on with the drawing if we felt like we needed to. In biology we never got homework because we never actually did anything, we just watched a documentary about what was inside of an alligator. Eww. Most of the day passed by and now it was lunch. Once I got in there Jessica waved at me enthusiastically and I just ignored her. I knew it was rude but I didn't want any company. I grabbed an apple and a soda before heading over to an empty table. I spent the lunch hour carrying on with my sketch. Jessica was embarrassed about me ignoring her but played it off by saying I was probably just shy. At the end of lunch I had finished the outline of my sketch and I headed over to English.

English could have been better, much better. Ok it was terrible. We had to write a poem, that wasn't the bad bit though. I enjoyed poetry and quickly got to work. Once I was finished, it turned out we had to read it aloud. When Ms. Hannis called me up to read mine aloud I though I was going to be sick. However I managed to swallow back the nerves and quietly read my poem, just loud enough for the people at the back of class to hear.

_I measure every grief I meet  
>With analytic eyes;<br>I wonder if it weighs like mine,  
>Or has an easier size.<em>

_I wonder if they bore it long,  
>Or did it just begin?<br>I could not tell the date of mine,  
>It feels so old a pain.<em>

_I wonder if it hurts to live,  
>And if they have to try,<br>And whether, could they choose between,  
>They would not rather die.<em>

_I wonder if when years have piled-  
>Some thousands-on the cause<br>Of early hurt, if such a lapse  
>Could give them any pause;<em>

_Or would they go on aching still  
>Through centuries above,<br>Enlightened to a larger pain  
>By contrast with the love.<em>

_The grieved are many, I am told;  
>The reason deeper lies,-<br>Death is but one and comes but once  
>And only nails the eyes.<em>

_There's grief of want, and grief of cold,-  
>A sort they call 'despair,'<br>There's banishment from native eyes,  
>In sight of native air.<em>

_And though I may not guess the kind  
>Correctly yet to me<br>A piercing comfort it affords  
>In passing Calvary,<em>

_To note the fashions of the cross  
>Of those that stand alone<br>Still fascinated to presume  
>That some are like my own.<em>

_**(Really Emily Dickinson… not me… or Bella)**_

Everyone was whispering about the fact that I was obviously in pain. I was glad when we were dismissed and I was able to head on over to music with Mr. Hope.

"Class. I will give you a brief over view of what will happen this year. We will start off learning the basic instruments, drums, base, guitar and keyboard. Then we will get into groups and create a song of your own, it will include a singer, drummer, base guitarist, electric guitarist and a keyboard player…" he continued giving details about what would happen this year and when we started learning how to play the keyboard, half the lesson was already over. I was both happy and sad when the bell went and I could go home.


	5. Chapter 5

"ISABELLA SWAN! GET DOWN HERE NOW!" Ugh what now, I didn't do nothing. For fuck sake, it was a week after my eighteenth birthday and I had been living in Forks for just over three months. I didn't do anything for my birthday just sat in my room getting pissed and listening to depressing music, then slit my wrists and went to bed. Morbid much? A lot had changed over three months, I had stopped talking for the most part, only spoke when it was needed, I still kept completely to myself, the only physical thing I had shown interest in was boxing, I would go to the gym almost everyday and beat the shit out of the punch bags and my instructor Sam Uley. We never spoke exactly, he just told me what to do and I did it, I liked it that way. When I got to the bottom of the stairs I saw Renée and Phil standing in the kitchen with a bunch of suitcases in the corner. What now?

"This is getting beyond a joke! We moved here so you could heal and all you've done is retreated into yourself. Don't think I don't know bout the drinking, the cigarettes, the slitting your wrists. You're lucky I don't send you to a shrink. Believe me if I had the money I would but I haven't so me and Phil are moving! You're eighteen now, you're legal, you have one more year of school and then you leave for college or whatever the hell you want to do with your life! But we're not going to stand around and watch you ruin it so do whatever you want just leave us out of it!" Renee's rant almost had me laughing, that's the most she's said to me in years.

"Ok, have fun." With that I went back to my room. I honestly didn't give a shit if they left. I would actually prefer it. With that I did what I do every night, slit my wrists then smoke and drink myself into oblivion. I never even got hangovers any more. By the time Saturday morning came Renee and Phil had gone. Didn't know or care where, it was just me and Jake, my many bottles of tequila, my cigarettes and all the money I'd been left. Who really gives a fuck?

Ugh I don't have a clue what I spent the weekend doing, I can barely remember most of it, I am pretty sure that sleep wasn't involved though. The buzz of students in Forks High was even bigger today. Don't know or care what's got them worked up, I just pulled a ciggie out and had a smoke when a shiny Volvo pulled into the parking lot. Huh that's knew. Huh whatever. I had fuck all else to do so I watched the students get out of the car, a big guy around 6ft, a tall thin supermodel looking girl, a pissed off looking dude, a mini pixie chick, and then a guy that looked like a god. Nice, no wonder the students were over excited, then again even though they're hot they didn't catch my attention for long. About two minutes after I smoked my cigarette the bell went and so I trudged over to Biology. Mr Banner walked in and was about to start the lesson when the godlike new kid walked in. I looked around. Oh fucking great, looks like he's stuck sitting next to me, poor guy. He'll be pissed off when he starts hearing the rumours about me. They just make me laugh, according to rumours I'm a witch, don't know where that came from. The guy came and sat down by me and Jessica was giving me the death glare. I just rolled my eyes.

"Hi, I'm Edward Cullen." I was going to tell him not to bother talking to me but Banner started talking so I just ripped a piece of paper out of my notepad.

If you value your reputation at all you don't want to be caught speaking to me Cullen

I don't care about reputation, I never have, and please call me Edward, can I ask your name?

Bella Swan. But either way you're wasting your time, seriously. According to rumours you best be careful I don't use you in one of my 'rituals'.

I've heard the rumours Bella and I'm not scared of you

You should be. I ignored the note he tried sending back, I wasn't about to drag someone into my fucked up life.

Lunch rolled around and I sat at my normal seat in the darkest corner of the cafeteria on my own listening to my IPod and eating nothing, just slowly sipping the same crappy coffee this cafeteria always served. Bluh. It was a song I had wrote a long time ago when I was going through the depressive thirteen year old faze that most girls go through, didn't stop me being popular the only guys that new I was depressed was the guys down La Push; Jake, Quil, Embry, Seth and Leah. We even had a band that was the only reason half the songs on my Ipod were of a band no one had hear of. It was us 'Fallen Angels." The song I was listening to know was the first one our band played together. I was the singer, Jake was a electric guitar player, Seth was a bass Player, Keyboard was ruled by Leah, Quil was our drummer and finally Embry who sang the songs that needed a male voice. Right now I was listening to nothingness, I was singing this one and we even made a video on youtube of our 'music video'.

"**I wake up**

**I go to school**

**Go to work**

**Come home**

**Go to bed**

**Monday**

**Tuesday**

**Wednesday**

**Any day**

**Always the same**

**I eat but I don't taste it**

**Breath but cant catch my breath**

**I touch but there's no feeling **

**Only nothingness**

**Life fails**

**In my eyes**

**Most of worlds Sorrow is plain to see**

**The volume is turned down**

**Lets move**

**But I cant even speak**

**Slowly I fade away**

**Just a ghost of what I used to be**

**Then something reminds me**

**That there's a hole In my chest**

**Haunting me**

**Each night I wake up screaming**

**From all the nighmares in my head**

**The only thing that saves me**

**Is this nothingness**

**I eat but I don't taste it**

**Breath but cant catch my breath**

**I touch but there's no feeling**

**Only nothingness**

**Ohhh Ohhh"**

**(****.com/watch?v=YtuWHetilUI****)**

I could feel someones gaze on me and I looked around to see Edward watching me.

**EPOV**

Humans never had captured my interest, not one, ever but she was different. With her limp brown hair that seemed like it could have so much life, her pale white skin, and hollow brown eyes. She was a mystery and obviously hurting, I have seen many depressed teenagers over my years some of which had killed themselves but none had ever drawn me in like her. I found myself wishing I could remove the pain that was so visible to her. It was becoming beyond a joke I'd only seen a glimpse of her in the parking lot and now seemed obsessed with the depressed child. Alice had noticed but refused to say anything instead singing some country song in her head to keep me out of her thoughts. I grabbed the closest girl on my way to class and asked her some questions.

"Do you know anything about the girl with brown hair and eyes, wear a lot of black, seems kind of depressed…" I trailed off seeing recognition in her eyes.

"That's just Swan. She's a proper manic depressive. I even heard that she was a witch so trust me you want to stay away from her, there was this one boy…" and she started to go into some story about Bella cursing some guy or whetever, I wasn't really listening, but I knew from her answers and the thought in her head, Swan wasn't liked, at all. I had to run vampire speed as soon as I got away from the girl who I found out was called Jessica so I could get to class on time. I was both nervous and eager when I realized Swann was in the class and that the only seat spare was next to her so I went and sat down before introducing myself.

"Hi, I'm Edward Cullen." She didn't look too pleased that I was speaking to her and went to say seomthing but thought better of it when the teacher started talking, I tried reading her to find out what she was thinking but I got, nothing, as if there was nothing there. That was strange but I put it in the back of my mind to think of later when she passed me a note.

If you value your reputation at all you don't want to be caught speaking to me Cullen Okay then so I was right, she didn't really want to speak to me, but was it just because she was worried about my reputation? That was laughable.

I don't care about reputation, I never have, and please call me Edward, can I ask your name? She rolled her eyes at my note and scribbled something down before pushing it over.

Bella Swan. But either way you're wasting your time, seriously. According to rumours you best be careful I don't use you in one of my 'rituals'. She didn't seem bothered about the rumours. Normally humans pretended to be strong and not care about stuff like that but you could see it in her eyes that she was far beyond caring.

I've heard the rumours Bella and I'm not scared of you Even if she was a witch, I was a vampire, I was pretty sure I could look after myself, or could I? I'd have to ask Carlisle later, not that I believed she was a witch or anything, I'm just curious.

You should be. I would have laughed but I was pretty sure she wouldn't like that, I couldn't be scared of a little human.

Trust me, you are of no threat to me Bella, Can i talk to you at lunch?

I was desperately hoping she'd say yes but she completely ignored my last note and she didn't look at me again throughout the lecture but I looked at her. I was analyzing everything about her from the shape of her lips to the rhythm of her heart beat.

Lunch eventually arrived and me and my family sat together pretending to eat the horrible gunk the cafeteria passed off as food. I looked over to try and find Bella to see her with nothing in fornt of her but a cup of coffee and her Ipod. She was flicking through tunes before she finally stopped on one and she seemed to be reminiscing as it played. I had never heard the song before, from what I recalled I had never heard the artist and I remembered every song and artist I had ever listened to. A look of pain crossed her face before it went completely blank. I was about to ask Jasper about her feelings but when I saw him his face was contorted with pain, I sent him a questioning look.

"The girl over there that you're curious about. Her feeling are full of the most pain I've felt off a human for a long time but I can't tell if its psychical or emotional. Whichever it is though, it's a mixture of pure agony, loneliness and hatred, she so strange for a human, though she's lonely she doesn't crave friendship or anything she's happy to be alone, well not happy but you know what I mean." Sadly I did, and knowing she was in pain hurt me. more than it should.


End file.
